Stranded Cruise Line Passengers Rescued With Spam And Pop-Tarts

The U.S. Navy thinks Pop-Tarts are “emergency food supplies.”

The 3,000 passengers stranded on a Carnival Cruise Line ship that suffered an engine fire failure are now being “rescued” with junk food. All the on-board food spoiled when the ship refrigeration failed after the fire, so U.S. Navy Seahawk helicopters have been airlifting food to the passengers to prevent them from having to miss a meal (because that would be unthinkable).

Well, the term “food” may be a stretch. The emergency supplies being dropped off include Spam, croissants and Pop-Tarts. The ingredients for Kellogg’s Pop-Tarts include High Fructose Corn Syrup, artificial food coloring chemicals, soybean oil and processed wheat flour. I guess being on this ship is no carnival after all — it’s more like a diabetes camp, and by that I mean a camp to cause diabetes, not to cure it.

When I think of preparedness food, I don’t think Pop-Tarts

That Carnival Cruise Lines and the U.S. Navy could somehow think that Spam and Pop-Tarts are rescue food is almost unimaginable. You would think they’d be far better off delivering some dried nuts, fresh oranges and superfood drink powders to keep the passengers alive. But no, they’re living on Spam and Pop-Tarts.

Passengers await help on crippled cruise ship

Then again, maybe this is what the cruise line passengers expect. A cruise on a Carnival ship, after all, is primarily an exercise in gleeful gluttony, with free, unlimited food served every hour of the day and night. The sewage treatment sections of these ships are astonishing in their size and productivity. When they’re actually functioning, that is. Toilet service was out on the ship for at least a day…

I suppose the idea that 3,000 Carnival Cruise Line passengers might fast for three days is unthinkable. Oh God no! These people might DIE if they don’t get something to eat! So throw ’em some Pop-Tarts!

By the way, there’s a lesson in preparedness in all this, too. When I travel, I always carry spare superfood powders, a water filter, an LED flashlight and various emergency tools. This is true whether I’m on an airplane, a train, a car, a cruise ship or whatever. If the lights go out and the food stops, I just turn on my LED headlamp and start chugging superfood drinks (or fasting).

But I’m quite certain that 99% of the people on this cruise have never even considered the idea that they need to be “prepared” for anything. It’s all one big party with unlimited food, unlimited fun and endless shore excursions, right? Not if the engine catches fire. Once the engine goes out, your typical cruise ship turns into a Lord of the Flies survival scenario.

That’s why the U.S. Navy is now on board the cruise ship. They say it’s for “passenger safety” but what they mean by that is they’re going to use the U.S. military to prevent people from rioting out of control and killing each other over Pop-Tarts. Imagine a junk food addicted, enraged mob of angry American tourists hyped up on High Fructose Corn Syrup and you get the idea.

Why Carnival cruise ships reflect our modern society

The really interesting part about all this is that modern society is like a Carnival cruise ship with an engine that’s about to catch on fire.

Everybody thinks the party will go on forever. Everybody eats too much and thinks the food will never end. And nobody is prepared for what happens when the lights go out and the food deliveries come to a grinding halt. The only thing they have ready to eat is nutritionally worthless junk food.

Does this ring a bell? It’s a description of every major city in the western world.

I can only wonder how this is all going to play out when America’s economic engine explodes in flames, leaving 300+ million Americans wondering where they’re going to get their next meal.

Luckily, Pop-Tarts have about a fifty-year shelf life. So stock up now while you still can, before the U.S. Navy buys ’em all up and airlifts them to Carnival’s new “diabetes survival camp” cruise experience.



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