BP Fish Oil Plus (puppet satire)

Created by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger, this puppet satire skit feature “Bob” from BP, pitching a new product “PB Fish Oil Plus” made with 100% natural crude oil.

Haiti Pranksters Say More Stunts Targeting The French Are On The Horizon

A group of Canadians who pranked the French government expressed satisfaction with their successful Internet stunt — and vowed to deliver additional ones.

Two Percent To Haiti Not Enough

A fake Internet website caused a stir for at least 24 hours when it purported to be a government of France website announcing that the government “is repaying the historic debt of 90 million gold francs Haiti paid to France following the former’s independence at the dawn of the 19th century”.

Victorian Pineapple Costs £10,000 To Cultivate

A miniature pineapple has cost the equivalent of £10,000 and the first pineapple was cut this season at the The Lost Gardens of Heligan.

Invader Tries To Grab Cup

The immediate lead-up to the World Cup soccer final was marked by drama when an invader crossed the pitch at Soccer City here and tried to grab the trophy off its stand.

Beautiful Only People Website

An online dating agency that allows membership only to good looking people is to launch its website worldwide this week despite criticism being superficial.

The site, Beautifulpeople.com, which was launched in Denmark several years ago, will now operate as one unified website across the globe, the Telegraph reported today.

The lonely hearts website has currently some 180,000 members, who were asked to submit a photograph of themselves, allowing other members to decide through an online rating system whether they were attractive enough to be admitted.

Dead Beauty Pageant Camel May Cost Oil Firm $261,000

A Saudi Arabian oil company is reportedly being sued for 160,000 pounds for causing the death of a camel that was a beauty pageant contestant.

The camel was grazing in a desert pasture about 150 miles west of Ahsa when it fell into a large hole dug to store crude oil.

Now, the camel’s owner Abdullah al-Saiari, is suing the oil giant Saudi Aramco seeking 160,000 pounds in compensation for his three-year-old black camel.She was part of the Camel Beauty Contest,” the Telegraph quoted Saiari as telling the Saudi Gazette.

Cocaine Sandwiches Leads To Arrest

Dutch police have arrested two people at Amsterdam’s Schiphol airport for allegedly having hidden three kilograms (6.6 pounds) of cocaine in sandwiches, authorities said Thursday.

Inspectors found the drugs last week in 33 sandwiches in the luggage of the two, a 30-year-old man from Suriname and a Dutch woman, 56.

“With the unpacking of the sandwiches … it transpired that they were not fit for consumption,” said a military police statement. “They were filled with about 100 grams of cocaine each.”

www.caribbeannetnews.com

13 Year Old Put Penis In Ants Nest

Residents of a community in Westmoreland (Jamaica) are still laughing more than one week after a teen had to seek medical attention after he pushed his penis in an ants nest in a desperate attempt to get it larger.

The 13-year-old boy is said to have resorted to that measure after he was told that his member was too small. THE WEEKEND STAR learnt that since last Monday the youth’s action has been the hot topic in Shrewsbury where he resides.

Reports are that the youngster tried to solicit the services of a woman who lives in the same community. It is said that the woman ignored his approach and told him his ‘member’ was too small for her.

Tourist Survives Outside Night Train Ride

A young American tourist survived a life-threatening test of endurance while clinging to the outside of a moving train through bitter cold and high speeds in Australia.

Chad Vance, 19, a native of North Pole, Alaska, and student at University of Alaska-Fairbanks, hung on to a small stairwell as the Ghan train trekked for 120 miles through the South Australian Outback.

 

Vance, who originally boarded the train at Adelaide, got off during a brief stop to stretch his legs and explore the city of Port Augusta.  But he lost track of time and got back just as the train was pulling away.

Iraqi Journalist Throws Size 10 Shoes At President Bush

During a farewell visit to Baghdad on Sunday, President George W. Bush defended a war that has taken far more time, money and lives than anticipated, saying the conflict “has not been easy” but was necessary for US security, Iraqi stability and “world peace”.

But in a sign of lingering anger against the US military presence, an Iraqi journalist shouted: “This is a goodbye kiss from the Iraqi people, dog,” and hurled his shoes at the US president during a news conference with prime minister Nouri al-Maliki.

Throwing shoes at somebody is a supreme insult in the Middle East. One of the shoes sailed over the president’s head and slammed into the wall behind him and he had to duck to miss the other one. Mr Maliki tried to block the second shoe with his arm.

“It’s like going to a political rally and have people yell at you,” said Mr Bush. “I don’t know what the guy’s cause was. I didn’t feel the least bit threatened by it.”

Mr Bush had landed in Iraq under a veil of secrecy for his fourth and presumably final visit as president.

He was scheduled to meet US troops and Iraqi leaders about a security agreement that calls for the withdrawal of US forces by 2011.

After meeting with Iraqi President Jalal Talabani at Salam Palace, Mr Bush hailed the security agreement as “a reminder of our friendship and as a way forward to help the Iraqi people realise the blessings of a free society”.

“The work hasn’t been easy, but it has been necessary for American security, Iraqi hope, and world peace,” Mr Bush said, adding: “I am just so grateful that I had a chance to come back to Iraq before my presidency ended.”

Mr Bush’s praise for the security agreement is particularly remarkable given that the US administration spent years dismissing proposals for withdrawal timelines as dangerous admissions of defeat. The agreement came after months of hard bargaining by Iraqi leaders, who insisted on a firm date for the removal of US troops.

The US president’s visit comes against a backdrop of declining violence across Iraq, which the Bush Administration attributes to a buildup of thousands of reinforcements last year.

But attacks have continued and many areas in Iraq remain unstable, particularly in the north. Last week, at least 57 Iraqis were killed in a suicide attack at a popular restaurant outside of the oil-rich city of Kirkuk.

Mr Bush left Iraq and arrived in Afghanistan late on Sunday, a pool report from Air Force One said. The White House said Bush plans to meet with US troops and Afghan President Hamid Karzai and address US troops.

Source: Financial Times

• Arab World Hails Shoe Attack As Bush’s Farwell Gift

Elderly Men Sentenced For Human Trafficking

Despite pleas from defence lawyers for a non-custodial sentence, two elderly men were yesterday each sentenced to 12 months’ imprisonment for conspiracy to trafficking in persons involving a 14-year-old girl.

The men were the first persons to be charged in Jamaica with trafficking in persons. They pleaded guilty on Monday in the Home Circuit Court to the lesser offence of conspiracy to trafficking in persons.

Lisa Palmer, acting senior deputy director of public prosecutions, in outlining the facts of the case, said in May 2006, Graham and Stephens made plans to get the girl involved in prostitution.

The men approached an investigator from New Zealand who was in the island to conduct research into sexual exploitation and trafficking of women and children.

They told the man that they could get a young girl for him to have sexual intercourse with, but he would have to pay them US$400.

The money was paid to the men and the investigator reported the matter to the police. A sting operation was set up and on May 24, 2006, when the men turned up with the girl in the New Kingston area, the police swooped down and arrested and charged them.

They were found with the US$400 in their possession.

Source: Jamaica Gleaner

Farmer Blames Hot Air Balloons On Hen Deaths

A farmer in England’s Herefordshire county says low-flying hot-air balloons caused 30 of her hens to die after their eggs exploded inside of them.

Abbi Vincent-Lloyd said the stress of seeing gigantic hot-air balloons over their heads led the hens to run for shelter in a panicked state that caused them to bump into one another and rupture the eggs inside of them, The Daily Telegraph reported Wednesday.

Vincent-Lloyd said post-mortems performed on the hens found they died of peritonitis, an infection caused by their eggs bursting inside their bodies.

“I had lost about 15 birds when I decided to have the vet do a post mortem on two of them,” the farmer said. “I told the vet about the hot-air balloons and jets flying low over the farm and straight away he said that was the cause.”

“As soon as the gas is released to raise the balloon they go absolutely crazy,” she said. “It is absolute chaos, when they go into anything and that causes the egg to explode inside them. The fragments of the egg and its contents then infect them and then they die from it — it’s a horrible way to go.”

Iran Interior Minister Kordan Sacked For Fake Oxford Degree

Mr Kordan, who stubbornly refused numerous calls to resign instead of facing impeachment, told parliament on Monday that he would never have presented the degree if he had known it was a fake.

He claimed that it was issued for his “managerial and executive experience” and for a thesis he had submitted to the University of Oxford through a person who had opened an affiliate office in Tehran.

Mr Kordan insisted that he received the degree in good faith and doubted it only when deputies questioned its authenticity. “To my utter disbelief, the university did not confirm (the degree) when my representative went there”, he maintained.

He claimed that he had filed a complaint against the mysterious intermediary who purportedly represented Oxford in Tehran. But Mr Kordan said that he was unable to find the man and has declined to name him.  

FULL STORY

Sarah Palin Received Prank Call From ‘President Sarkozy’ And Had Not A Clue

From  the Huffington Post

The AP reports that a Quebec comedy duo, posing as French President Sarkozy, have successfully prank called Sarah Palin. Sarah Palin has unwittingly taken a prank call from a Canadian comedian posing as French President Nicolas Sarkozy and told him she make a good president in eight years. The Republican vice presidential nominee discussed politics, the perils of hunting with Vice President Dick Cheney and Sarkozy’s “beautiful wife”, in the telephone call released Saturday.

When the caller told Palin she would make a good president, she laughed and replied: “Maybe in eight years.”

Not only has the dear lady answered the phone as ‘Sarah’ instead as Governor [Sarah] Palin [did the idea that the 'French President' was calling her went straight to her head that she forgot about protocol?] but she actually agreed with the imposter during the phone exchange on a possible hunting trip, that killing animals and taking away a life, is so fun!

Good grief!

     Click here for prank call

Below a transcript available for those who may find some of the audio difficult to comprehend.

• Sarah Palin Prank Call TRANSCRIPT *UPDATE*
• Sarah Palin Duped By Prank Call

Rihanna Mistaken For Prince! Oh Dear

Whether true or not I found this piece humourous.

RIhanna was left red-faced during a recent trip to the UK — after being mistaken for Prince.

The Umbrella hitmaker, 20, was in London late September when she was mistaken for the Purple Rain rocker.

Fans approached the short-haired star, according to reports, and were left shocked when they discovered he was a she.

A source says, “Some fans screamed out, ‘Prince!’ when they saw her.

“But when they got close enough to ask for an autograph, they realized he was a she.”

Source – Showbiz spy

Now you dun know I prefer Rihanna with long hair. What is this thing with black women chopping off their hair!!!?  Good grief man. On the hand hands those fans need some spectacles.

The Nation Goes A Blogging

Not to be left behind, the Nation newspaper plans to venture into the realm of blogging.

Ascending to new heights like many online newspapers with a comment section, the paper plans to “bring some of our most popular columnists online as bloggists,” as they ”start a number of new blogs on politics, entertainment and sports.” to get in on de action.

So expect to see Albert Brandford on politics for sure, there is also Rickey Singh, Reudon Eversley and Clyde Mascoll. My question is, does the paper plans to edit comments leaning towards political affiliation?  Is the comment section only for news stories? Or are these blogs just a mirror image of their dead tree version columns? Without anything tantalizing, it just new wine in old sheepskins.

Hammie La Gone [From The Barbados Labour Party]

          Hamilton Lashley have decided to go at it alone. At least for now. More than two hrs ago the grass root politican announced his resignation from the Barbados Labour Party declaring himself an independent.

It’s no secret the gentleman wasn’t to keen on Mia assuming leadership position of the party. Did that play its part? Or was it disillusion with his former party’s philosophy of looking out for the small man? Supposedly he was just a pawn in a game, taken advantage of his sincerely regarding the poor, it’s becoming clearer where ever the man goes his supporters will follow. As for now the St. Michael South East seat is held by an independent. A seat that will be hotly contested come elections 2013. Providing of course the man don’t switch again! But how can the gentleman remain a stand alone if he still thinks he have more to offer the unfortunate in this country? Is he abiding his time? Is there a place waitng for him in the DLP’s camp? Ain’t that gonna cause confusion, bitterness and distress. Undene Whittaker your positon is threatened.

Maybe not. Rumours around election time have it that Hammie La heart wasn’t in it and so he went so far as to encourage the residents of St. Micheal South East to vote for Undene! So maybe just maybe a plan may work itself out to partner with Undene, win the next elections for the DLP and be her sidekick in the Ministry. The battlelines are drawn for sure. Why do I have the feeling the 2013 elections gonna be a ding dong battle more so than 2008.

Guyanese Pissed Off By Nation News’ Journalist

Call Kensington Oval A Space Age Monster!!!

Photo credit – Wikipedia

Guyanese are mad as hell. Carifesta X [Caribbean Festival of Creative Arts] now being held in Guyana until Sept 25 had its share of journalists presented at the opening ceremony.

One of those is Michelle Springer from the Nation’s newspaper. Ms Springer didn’t think to highly of the performances and gave her critique here.  Well who tell she to do that?  Livinguyana’s Bajan Journalists Slams Carifiasco Opening Ceremony  pick up on that story. The blog make sure to start off first with the positives reviews on Suriname and Trinidad & Tobago presentations and then end, giving readers the comparisons on the negatives reviews on the rest of the opening gala hosted by Guyana.

One anonymous blogger [who was identified as a Bajan by a Guyanese] said

Fair and balanced report from an independent journalist. The show will be quickly forgotten because it was a poor show overall. There were a few good elements but the vast majority of it was poor.

Dat dine went down to well

Fair and balance meh cyat! the whole caribbean is anti indian and hence anti PPP. Get that right!

Apparently GMC is a Bajan. Dem black rass can say what the want, Guyanese black,Indian and other don’t like them.

One even challenged us to hold it in our space age monster of a stadium!

….well next time let Barbados host in that out of place in the tropics, space age looking monster of a stadium they call Kessington Oval.

I was outside in the veranda on the phone facing the TV when I saw the Carifesta opening ceremony earlier tonight. It was in very poor taste.  Read responses here

• Walcott: Scrap Carifesta

21 Edicts From The Chinese Government’s Propoganda Unit

 

The Sidney Morning Herald  reports that the Chinese Government have issued  a 21 point plan to their editors and journalists ordering them to ignore hot international topics and any issues that may reflect negatively on the Olympic Games.

They are:

1. The telecast of sports events will be live [but] in case of emergencies, no print is allowed to report on it.

2. From August 1, most of the previously accessible overseas websites will be unblocked. No coverage is allowed on this development. There’s also no need to use stories published overseas on this matter and [website] operators should not provide any superlinks on their pages.

3. Be careful with religious and ethnic subjects.

4. Don’t make fuss about foreign leaders at the opening ceremony, especially in relation to seat arrangements or their private lives.

5. We have to put special emphasis on ethnic equality. Any perceived racist terms as “black athlete” or “white athlete” is not allowed. During the official telecast, we can refer to Taiwan as “Chinese Taipei”. In ordinary times, refer to Taiwanese athletes as “those from the precious island Taiwan…..” In case of any pro Taiwan-independence related incident inside the venue, you shall follow restrictions listed in item 1.

6. For those ethnic Chinese coaches and athletes who come back to Beijing to compete on behalf of other countries, don’t play up their “patriotism” since that could backfire with their adopted countries.

7. As for the Pro-Tibetan independence and East Turkistan movements, no coverage is allowed. There’s also no need to make fuss about our anti-terrorism efforts.

8. All food saftey issues, such as cancer-causing mineral water, is off-limits.

9. In regard to the three protest parks, no interviews and coverage is allowed.

10. No fuss about the rehearsals on August 2,5. No negative comments about the opening ceremony.

11.No mention of the Lai Changxing case.

12.No mention of those who illegally enter China.

13.On international matters, follow the official line. For instance, follow the official propaganda line on the North Korean nuclear issue; be objective when it comes to the Middle East issue and play it down as much as possible; no fuss about the Darfur question; No fuss about UN reform; be careful with Cuba. If any emergency occurs, please report to the foreign ministry.

14. If anything related to territorial dispute happens, make no fuss about it. Play down the Myanmar issue; play down the Takeshima island dispute.

15. Regarding diplomatic ties between China and certain nations, don’t do interviews on your own and don’t use online stories. Instead, adopt Xinhua stories only. Particularly on the Doha round negotiation, US elections, China-Iran co-operation, China-Aussie co-operation, China-Zimbabwe co-operation, China-Paraguay co-operation.

16.Be very careful with TV ratings, only use domestic body’s figures. Play it down when  rating goes down.

17. In case of an emergency involving foreign tourists, please follow the official line. If there’s no official line, stay away from it.

18. Re possible subway accidents in the capital, please follow the official line.

19.Be positive on security measures.

20. Be very careful with stock market coverage during the Games.

21.Properly handle coverage of the Chinese sports delegation:

A.don’t criticise the selection process

B.don’t overhype gold medals; don’t issue predictions on gold medal numbers; don’t make fuss about  cash rewards for athletes.

C.don’t make a fuss about isolated misconducts by athletes.

D.enforce the publicity of our anti-doping measures.

E. put emphasis on  government efforts to secure the retirement life of atheletes.

F. keep a cool head on the Chinese performance. Be prepared for possible fluctations in the medal race.

G. refrain from publishing opinion pieces at odds with the official propangada line of the Chinese delegation