Abusive People Are Hurt People Too
February 11, 2009 1 Comment
In light of the recent reported attack involving Chris Brown on his girlfriend Rihanna, news reports have pull up a 2007 interview given by Chris to Giant magazine in which he claim his stepfather was a terrifying force within the family.
“He used to hit my mom… He made me terrified all the time, terrified like I had to pee on myself.
“I remember one night he made her nose bleed. I was crying and thinking, ‘I’m just gonna go crazy on him one day…’
However his stepdad was quick to dismiss any such charges. According to US magazine.com, when asked about his thoughs on his former stepson attacking his grilfriend, Donelle Hawkins states “”I wouldn’t be surprised,” adding, “He has to take responsibility for his own actions.” Then adds “There was a lot of arguing between his mom and I (but) I never raised a hand at his mom.
“I spanked Chris one time. I became the bad guy. Chris was really mad at his mom for leaving his dad, so I became the scapegoat. No matter how much I tried to be a father figure, nothing worked.”
Nevertheless folks, regardless of family history, it ain’t an EXCUSE for a man hitting a woman! Unfortunate but not an excuse. Since this disturbing change of events, many voices have been heard around Barbados on the issue of domestic violence. One of our readers, Dr Dawn Maddalone, have written us on the health perspective involving the treatment of domestic violence. For those in that type of situation, please seek help and seek it fast.
“Hurt people hurt people” in other words, people involved in abusive relationships, the perpetrator of the abuse and the victim are “hurt people” in need of care according to current health knowledge.
Adults involved in abusive relationships were exposed to abuse as children in many cases. They watched it or were attacked themselves; this trauma repeated over many years conditioned or “taught” them how to behave. Some will follow the lead of the attacker and become aggressive and violent, others will learn to “let people abuse them” they will not protect themselves. Instead of simply walking away from an abusive relationship they stay even after multiple hospitalizations, rapes, and beating or rape of their children. Murder is often the only event that can “end” this type of relationship if treatment is not sought.
Evaluation and counseling by a clinical psychologist, or psychiatrist, along with self help groups are common treatments. In Barbados a crisis center provides safe lodging and other assistance free of cost.
Alcohol and drug abuse are often key factors pushing otherwise healthy individuals into abusive acts. A common definition of an alcoholic/ addict is a person whose drinking or drug use, affects their personal or professional life. For example if family or coworkers are complaining or distancing themselves from me, stating my drinking or marijuana use as a reason, I am well on the way if not already displaying full blown addiction.
Alcoholism/ addiction are considered diseases, illness which can be treated.
Hospitalization is necessary for some alcoholics/addicts; others successfully go straight into self help programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous.
The abusive behavior of addicted people damages others they come in contact with, family, friends and coworkers. Individuals, who try to “help” the addicted person, frequently burn themselves out trying to fix something which is out of their power and become ill themselves. In many cases their “help” actually enables the alcoholic/addict to continue abusing themselves and others.
Self help groups such as Al-anon and Nar-anon help the family and friends of alcoholics/addicts learn to provide effective help for their sick loved ones while learning how to protect themselves from the abusive behavior caused by the disease of alcoholism/addiction.
Denying and covering up domestic violence kills. Treatment for emotional disturbance is readily available in Barbados and throughout the world; many programs are free, provided by employers, government health services, the church and self help groups. Private health insurance covers many treatments. Lots of information is provided on the internet. In other words, there is a solution!
Dr Dawn Maddalone DC is a registered Chiropractor treating domestic violence injuries for the last 20 years in Barbados.
# 1 Kyro Rockley Terrace, Rockley Ch Ch